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December 13, 2010

How to Score Drugs in Mexico

The beach in Lo De Marcos, Mexico (Nathan Borchelt)

1.    Go somewhere somewhat off the Gringo Trail.  An hour south of Puerto Vallarta, like the Snowbird-centric town of Lo De Marcos should do.

2.    Meet up with 21 relatives, including six people in their late 50s and early 60s, two teens, six kids in ages ranging from 18 months to ten, and a bunch of middle-age family members.

3.    Go swimming with said kids to protect them from the imaginary tidal waves and not-as-imaginary undertows.

4.    Step on a stingray…on the stinger.

5.    Hobble out of the ocean and get plopped down on a lawn chair in front of your aunt's condo, thinking it's just a flesh wound from a fish hook.

6.    Let one cousin ply you with whiskey.

7.    Let another cousin perform “surgery” with a tequila-sanitized Leatherman.

8.    Let an uncle purify the wound with 100% agave.

9.    Feel the venom course through your legs up to your knee, endure extreme pain, and realize this isn't a wound caused by a fish hook.

10.   Let another cousin not-so-discretely slip you a Vicoden.

12.   Turn down the offer of naproxin from your uncle because inflamitories won't subdue the pain.

13.   Take another Vicoden when intense pain doesn’t abate after ten minutes.

14.    Mask disappointment when displays of the wound—a red puncture the size of a corn kernel—to the kids fails to insight any "eews" of disgust.

15.   Wait 30 minutes, and then dunk the wounded foot in hot water after another cousin checks online (wikipedia: sting ray stings).

16.   Sigh with releif as the pain quickly abates.  Try not to laugh in relief as cousins ferry water from the stove to the bucket where your foot soaks.

17.   Switch to Pacifico with limes after dinner.

18.   Sleep like the dead.

19.   Foolishly play in the water for the next three days.

20.   Get wound infected.

21.   Visit local village doctor to affirm/deny blood poisoning—and get a full inspection, treatment, and antibacterial cream for 300 pesos (less than $30 US ).

22.   Cook fish tacos.

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Related Topics: Beach Vacation · Mexico Travel · Outdoor Adventures


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Haha! Great post. I'll have to remember to try this next time I'm in Lo De Marcos. Happy to read that it all turned out okay. :)

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